What was Most Challenging and More: Q&A on My 10-Day Vipassana Meditation Retreat
lessons from Vipassana part 3
About a month ago, I attended a 10-day Vipassana silent meditation retreat in Northern California. Since I’ve returned, I’ve received some common questions about the experience and wanted to address them in this post. Thank you to everyone who asked me a question!
How was it?
Overall, the retreat was a very eye-opening and transformative experience. Anyone who has interacted me before and after has probably noticed a slight change in me. If you’re interested in learning more, I wrote about the practical, experiential side of the experience, as well as the theory of Vipassana and how I incorporate it into my life.
What were some of the most surprising things that you learned?
I didn’t miss using my phone, but what I missed the most was listening to music. There were a number of times when I thought, post shower, wow, some 21 Savage would really hit right now. I would resort to playing songs in my mind, from Kanye to Chinese classical music like Butterfly Lovers.
I really enjoyed the 10 days of “noble silence,” i.e. when we weren’t allowed to speak to or communicate with each other. The only time I spoke during the retreat was when I asked the Teaching Assistant (TA) questions about the meditation technique, which was allowed. Otherwise, I found the silence to be immensely helpful for gaining clarity. Going silent is analogous to ketosis. When your body has no net new input to feed off of, it starts tackling the old gunk. The noble silence coupled with the no technology (or reading or writing) left me feeling very fresh. However, once I started talking again, I felt this unique sensation of my ego draping over my psyche once again. You can only do so much in 10 days.
I learned from a TA that having insomnia is quite normal, especially during the first half. On some nights, I did have trouble falling asleep, but I think that was mostly due to the heat (we did not have AC) and bugs (we were deep in the woods). I’m really glad that I decided to bring my own pillow, sheets and comforter, instead of a sleeping bag, because they brought me a sense of familiarity and safety which are very useful for falling asleep in a new environment.
Is it a cult?
No, it’s not. I found the retreat to be very well-organized and the general energy of staff and students to be supportive. Most of the students came there to work and make the most of their time. There were a handful of students who left early, though, although it’s encouraged that you stay the entire time to get the maximum benefits.
If you weren’t able to write, how did you remember the things that you learned?
So much of what I learned happened at an experiential level and therefore resonated with me very deeply, so I didn’t have to write it down to remember. For some lessons, such as “as the seed, so the fruit,” I would repeat it a few times in my mind during the evening’s discourse in an attempt to train my brain to remember it. For more specific parts of the theory, we were luckily given different resources as old students (i.e. anyone who completes at least one 10-day course) and so when I sat down to write the pieces about the retreat, I was able to reference these.
What did you have the hardest time with?
The hardest thing was just getting through the entire retreat. That was really my only goal. Besides this, I had a hard time with feeling extremely fatigued, especially after our one-hour group sittings in the meditation hall. Fatigue was one of the questions I asked the TA about, and she told me that since I was not actually sick, it was not fatigue that I was feeling, but rather drowsiness, which is also a sankhara. She advised me to start paying attention to my breath more when I felt like the drowsiness was arising, and to start breathing more heavily if I needed to. After some time, the drowsiness should fade and I could resume the body scan.
Some days were more challenging than others. I remember that the hardest days for me were Day 4 and Day 6. Day 4 was challenging because a lot of deep-rooted sankhara (mental conditioning) arose, and I had to confront a lot of painful memories from various time periods in my life, some of which I had completely forgotten. I joked to my cabin mates that it was like those compilation CDs “Now That’s What I Call Music!” except for me it was “Now That’s What I Call Pain!” On top of this, Day 4 was a longer day than usual because we had an hours-long sitting to learn Vipassana, i.e. observing body sensations. So needless to say, Day 4 was a lot, both mentally and physically.
Instructor Goenka highlights Day 6 as a hurdle because it is the halfway mark, so many students find it a challenging day. Once I knew that we were more than halfway through, though, I knew that I could finish the rest of the retreat without any problem.
What was it like to be isolated from the rest of the world?
I really enjoyed it. I didn’t expect to relish the isolation that much. Similar to what I mentioned above about appreciating the clarity that came from the noble silence, I found that the isolation helped me reconnect with myself at a depth that I have not experienced in a long time. I can’t even remember the last time I went anywhere without a phone for more than a day.
The isolation and lack of technological stimulus also made me pay attention to my surroundings much more. Oddly enough, I felt comfortable enough going on walks without my glasses or contacts, despite my very poor vision. I think it was because I felt more comfortable relying on my other senses as opposed to leaning so heavily on vision.
There were also moments in which seeing something so simple made me emotional. For example, there was a farm across the highway and in the morning, since we had to wake up at 4am, I would go outside during the sunrise and see the mist blanketing the grass. It looked so picturesque and it was so silent, except for birds chirping. Sometimes I would also see a black horse on the same farm, and that reminded me that at some point, I would also be free. The retreat would eventually be over. I wish I had a photo of this! But of course, we did not have our phones. It looked something like this:
Would you recommend the retreat to others?
Yes, I would recommend the Vipassana retreat to anyone who is open-minded enough to try it. However, I think that the difficulty of completion will depend on your previous experience with meditation and willingness to work. The retreat is not relaxing, to say the least, and at times can be really unpleasant. Still, if you go in with the conviction of finishing it, then I think you will make the most of your time there! If you are interested in learning more, you can visit www.dhamma.org.
If you enjoyed reading this article and want to support the newsletter, you can buy me a coffee here <3