The entrepreneur obsessed with obsession, Zach Pogrob, recently tweeted:
Pogrob’s tweet is very on-brand — greatness and obsession go hand in hand. To become great, you inevitably develop an obsession with the craft. You have to, because otherwise, enduring the the endless sacrifice that greatness demands seems unfathomable. However, the sacrifice made while chasing greatness is likely at odds with your own happiness.
An example of this manifests in the Kanye West documentary jeen-yuhs, when the producer-turned-rapper’s late mother Donda West encourages her son:
“You play tracks like Michael Jordan throws free throws. Anybody that does something that much and for that long and is that good…It’s gotta pay off. You can’t go over there and do nothing but blow up.”
Fast forward, and Ye has won 24 Grammys. He holds the 12th spot for overall most-awarded artist. He’s number three for most Grammys won for a producer and number two for a rapper. Number two! Second only to Jay-Z! Based on this extrinsic achievement, there’s no doubt that Ye has achieved greatness.
Donda West’s observations highlight the demands of greatness: you must do something “that much” for “that long” in order to become great. There is no substitute for putting time and effort into honing the craft. You live and breathe the thing. But any time that you spend on the craft means less time spent elsewhere.
Namely, time building and maintaining healthy relationships, which the longest-running study on happiness found to be the number one predictor of long-term happiness. Having close connections helps people not only reduce the deleterious effects of loneliness, but also helps with maintaining emotional homeostasis while riding the waves of life. In Ye’s case, it seems like this area is particularly lacking.
This is the paradox of chasing greatness. You do it because you think that at the end of the rainbow, there will be eternal happiness. But in most cases, even if the taste is sweet, it only lingers for a moment. Another GOAT, Mike Tyson, captured this paradox well in a 2020 interview, reflecting that “It’s almost like you have to give up your happiness to accomplish your goals.”
This is because to become the youngest heavyweight boxing champion of all time, he had to do things like wake up at 4am to go on a run, do hundreds (if not thousands) of pushups and sit ups, jump rope, spar and box using different bags. He lived to train.
You can’t be in the zone while simultaneously having fun with friends. At the silent meditation retreat I went to recently, Goenka, the instructor, cautions:
“Chattering and serious meditation cannot coexist.”
Replace “meditation” with anything. Serious free throw shooting. Serious rapping. Serious boxing. To become great, you have to give your craft your undivided attention. Not just once, but over and over.
Donda West’s comments about Ye also apply to Tyson. He is another example of someone who “does something that much and for that long and is that good.” Yes, Tyson became a boxing legend, but he’s also someone who has been tornadoed in interpersonal relationship controversy countless times.
From the lifelines of Ye and Tyson, it’s evident that greatness requires serious work. And a tension exists between serious work and happiness. Any time that you spend honing your craft means that you cannot spend it socializing and building healthy relationships, which leads to long-term happiness.
So, how do you relieve this tension?
It doesn’t seem right to just not have goals or chase greatness and instead spend all of your time socializing. Goals are still important because they increase motivation and re-wire the brain for new habit formation, helping bring structure and purpose to life.
Instead, be vigilant about the decisions you make while working towards your goals. While the degree to which people need deep relationships varies, it’s a rare person who would say that greatness was worth the cost of no close friends or family. But the exact point of inflection is something that you must calibrate for yourself.
Greatness is the cool breeze that kisses the sweat rolling down your face. It is indeed a glorious moment. But that’s all that it is — a moment. Then reality hits and you realize that you’re melting again. Happiness, on the other hand, is a campfire. It can keep you warm as long as you keep kindling it.
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Remembering who I am doing it all for makes me feel less alone.